Friday, January 30, 2009

I feel like I'm amongst friends here. This is the Trust Tree, right? I can say stuff without people threatening to punch me in the face. Or at least, if you do say something, I can't hear it.

Let's talk octuplets, mkay?

Now before I go off on one of my well documented rants let me make the following disclaimer:
I, in now way, think that the government has the right to tell you how many kids you can have (I'm looking at you, Nancy P.). I am also not against any form of fertility treatment (for those who need it). I also understand that people are private citizens and do not necessarily deserve to be judged by others. But I'm going to judge someone in about 3...
2...
1...
I have a major MAJOR problem with Octuplet Lady. She already has six kids. She lives with her parents. She's single. She did fertility treatments. Now I don't know the full story. There could be more going on here. But let me explain why this angers me.

Two days ago I got registration in the mail for the March of Dimes. We need to be trying to stop birth defects, babies born to early and the like NOT getting women pregnant with eight babies. Eight babies who can be born with a whole host of problems that can last a lifetime. Humans weren't made to carry litters. WE JUST WEREN'T! If she wanted a large family, that's fine. But it's not fair to do so at the expense of your babies.

The lady already has six kids! And she is single! So the kids don't even have a dad. Yes, they have grandparents, I get it. But I'm just going to say what I'm thinking: I find this whole situation incredible irresponsible. The doctor is irresponsible for agreeing to treat her with fertility treatments. She is irresponsible for doing this to her babies.

And one more thing:
Dear Kendall,
I love you very much but I will never let you and your 14 children move in with me.
Love,
Mom

What do you guys think, am I way off? Do I need to be talked down?

*Quote taken from President...talking about Wall Street...but I found it fitting.

Edited to add: Obviously someone agrees with me. Just saw this article on yahoo!

Thursday, January 29, 2009

You would think that when you're stuck at home for three plus days, you could get lots of things done. Especially when your husband is off too. You could clean your house. You could organize things. You could get your kid totally potty trained (actually that's going great...knock on wood). Laundry would be done. Meals would be cooked daily from scratch. YOU WOULD THINK. And yet for some reason, my house has never been messier, more disorganized, and I have zero desire to cook anything. Instead, I've been spending my time hunkered down with a blanket wondering why Jessica Alba is famous, watching endless hours of Fox News and Horton Hears a Who for the 832nd time and asking Colin to GO OUT AND GET ME SOME OREOS, FOR THE LOVE OF MARY!

Oh, wait! I did organize one thing! My DVR! And let me tell you, that turned out to be quite a little job. I was exhausted. I deleted one of Cason's movies. Shh. Don't tell him.

We ventured out last night to Ron's Chili. If you've never had Ron's Chili, I feel sorry for you. Your arteries thank you, but I still feel sorry for you.

Here we are on the frozen tundra that is our front yard. Case cracks me up in this picture. He looks like a little wrestler. And YES that is a picture of ME on my blog. Don't look at it too close, I'm not wearing eye makeup and that can be a scary thing.


Hopefully we will be able to leave soon. And hopefully Colin can go back to work soon. Not that I don't just love having him home.....but well, you know.

Monday, January 26, 2009

Alternative title: Everything I need to know in life, I learned by potty training a 2 and half year old.

1. While zip up footy pajamas are quite cute, they are not necessarily conducive to going pee quickly.

2. A one year old finds a pebble of poo to be an acceptable toy.

3. It is always helpful to have your favorite fire engine book at the ready when you have bathroom business to do.

4. Pointing, uh, downward is good.

5. Bribery works for anything. And to that end, chocolate continues to be the best form of bribery. (Seriously, even I'll do anything for an Oreo)

6. Potty training is a great way to teach a two year old his new favorite word..."Disgusting."

7. Consistency, consistency and more consistency

8. Patience, patience and more patience.

Saturday, January 24, 2009

Last night, I was laying in bed, watching the end of the O'Reilly Factor.

Shut up.

Anyhoodle, he was showing a clip of Elizabeth Hasselbeck, who was talking bad about people who had questioned what Michelle Obama wore at the inauguration. Bill O'Reilly agreed and said that it was not patriotic to nit pick what people wore.

Ummmm.....

I say there is nothing more patriotic than exercising our right to free speech by pointing out obvious fashion missteps. Don't worry, internet. I will continue to fight for our rights to judge others clothing choices. Together we can make a difference. We will not succumb to the annoying tactics of Ms. Hasselbeck or the overbearing nature of Bill O'Reilly. We will hold hands, rise up together and demand that people everywhere have better taste in clothing.

This is my dream.

Wednesday, January 21, 2009

..or is it AN historic day. I don't know. I slept through English class (sorry Mr. Harris).

But as you all know, yesterday was historic. It was the day that will forever be known as the day when it was ok to wear a completely inappropriate pair of boots to your husband's inauguration as vice president.

I'm sorry, Jill Biden, but WHAD UP WIT DAT? Whether or not you have the body/personality to carry it off is beside the point. I just don't feel like a look that says, "Yeah, I've got like an inaugeration thingy for a little bit but then I'd be TOTALLY up for some clubbin' " is appropriate.

Our house was built in the sixties. There has only been one owner besides us. When we moved in, they had left some very expensive, very sixties drapes. We trashed them. I felt bad about until yesterday when I realized that Michelle Obama had found them and used them to make a dress:


And before you get on your high horse thinking, "OMG, Emily is SO partisan," please know that I kind of liked Michelle's inaugural ball gown.

Here's to four years of questionable fashion.

That's right. I said four.

Sunday, January 18, 2009

We've been potty training Cason. Everything was going great until today. But that's alright. I didn't expect miracles. Friday, he had only accidents (although, as my friend Jessica pointed out, can it really be called an accident if there's NO attempt to go in the potty?). Yesterday, ONE accident. Today...we've been off and on.

In the meantime, I got tagged. I think it's only supposed to be for your firstborn but I did both, being the over achiever I am. Cason in blue. Kendall in pink.

1. Were you married at the time? 3 years; 4.5 years
2. What were your reactions when you found out you were pregnant? I just laughed; I cried and cried...could NOT believe it
3. How old were you? 24, 25
4.How did you find out? peed on a stick; made a joke to Colin about being pregnant and he told me to find out asap
5. Who did you tell first? Dr. Ryan's nurse (he's hard to get an appt. with y'all!) then Colin; Colin, I called him at work...then NO ONE for like 2 months
6. Did you want to find out the sex? Yes...I can't wait for anything
7. Due date? April 2oth..the the doc moved it to April 27th; December 29
8. Did you deliver late or on time? 3 weeks early; 1 week early
9. Did you have morning sickness? No; YES and noon and night sickness
10. What did you crave? Salty (chips and queso, pizza); Baked goods and cereal...but NO chicken!
11. Who/what irritated you the most? I'll just say I'm, in general, not a happy preggo so EVERYTHING
12. What was your first child's sex? a boy
13. How many pounds did you gain throughout pregnancy? 18; uh...not 18...we'll just leave it at that
14. Did you have any complications during pregnancy? high blood pressure leading to bed rest; sciatica and general moodiness
15. Where did you give birth? Saints
16. How many hours were you in labor? about 10, about 8
17. Who drove you to the hospital? Colin
18. Who watched? Colin...and I'm assuming my dr.
19. Was it natural or c-section? Both natural
20. Did you take medication to ease the pain? Heck yes...with Kendall I didn't get enough and I pretty much felt everything
21. How much did your child weigh? 6lbs, 2 oz; 7 lbs. 2 oz.
22. Did your child have any complications? No...just some trouble nursing; K had to go to the NICU because she wasn't breathing right. But she had NO trouble eating...and still doesn't.
23. What did you name her? Cason Eugene; Kendall Avery
24. How old are they today? 2 years, 9 months; 13 months

I would just like to take this opportunity to say...I hated being pregnant. I really did. But I wish I had taken the time to appreciate it and enjoy it more. I defintely took how easy I came by motherhood for granted. I spent way too much time grumbling about walking like an old granny and glaring at Colin, thinking mean things about him.

And I tag Jen F, Jen B, Shellie, and Mel

Wednesday, January 14, 2009

If you have a kid, you know how it goes. You decide on a baby name and when you tell people what it is, they all feel they have a right to comment on it (except for those people who wait until the kid is born to reveal the name...and don't even START with me on you people). You hear all kinds of things:
That sounds like a boy's name.
That sounds like a girl's name.
Surely you're not going to CALL him that.
No one will call him that.
That sounds like a made up name.
No one will spell it right.
(Rolling eyes)EVERYONE is naming their baby that!
That's not a family name.
That rhymes with a bad word.
I straight up hate that name.
I will pay you 200 bucks NOT to name your kid that.

And you're thinking, "Step off people! It's not like I'm naming the kid Trashcan or Lemonjello or Merconium or something." Trust me, I know.

That being said...

If Ben Affleck had called me to tell me that he and Jenn were planning to name the baby Saraphina, I would have said, "Ben, no. Violet is a cute, classic name and Saraphina just doesn't work with your family's names. And while we're at it, the whole 'normal-stable-celebrity-regular-marriage that seems to work' thingy you have going on? So boring. I much perfered the crazy Days of Bennifer. And tell Jenn that I still haven't forgiven her for Elektra. A million Junos cannot erase that mistake. And, oh yeah, you're a redsox fan. We get it. TRUST ME. You can quit wearing their t-shirts all the time."

That's what I would've said. But he didn't call me so I'll keep my opinions to myself.

Monday, January 12, 2009


Bruise on the forehead, scrape all the way down her nose, macaroni and cheese in her hair....Yep! That's my girl!

If only you could see her bloody knuckles that go with her nose...

Thursday, January 08, 2009

Sometimes, when people are talking to me and I'm really not interested in what they are saying, I start to wander off a little. I'm actually really good at making the person THINK I'm interested in what he or she is saying. I can nod, even ask questions. But inside I'm thinking, "I could really go for a brownie right now. I think if I have another boy, I'll name him Talan. That's cool. My butt itches. Is Talan a weird name?"

Well, this post is kind of like that. I'm sure you won't be remotely interested in what I'm about to say. You'll be scrolling down thinking, "Wendy's sounds good. Are the Garner-Afflecks ever going to name their baby?!"

Anyhoodle, Cason has had a week of raging temper tantrums. Like it started Sunday and hasn't quit yet. It's pretty much been one long tantrum with breaks for occasional sleeping (napping doesn't always fit into the fit throwing schedule) and eating...after he's thrown a fit about what he's going to eat. I KNOW it's totally normal for kids his age. I get it. But for realsies y'all.

I've been researching through articles and books. They ALL say the same things and NONE of them help. I read a lot of Dr. Sears and after awhile I was all, "Dr. Sears, I'm kind over you and how you think you know everything. Because I don't think you do know everything. There are some things I fundamentally disgaree with you on. " And Dr. Sears was all, "Yeah but I pointed out that Cason's temper tantrums center around when he's bored and that you need to keep him busy because that's when he's happiest." And I said, "Yeah, but you also said that temper tantrums can be the result of non-attachment parenting and if ever there was a kid that was attached - it's him! And don't even start with me on your vaccine stance!" And then I realized I wasn't really talking to Dr. Sears and I had to take a step back. I was sitting there at my desk, and I looked over at my almost three year old who was asleep. He woke up and said, " I wanna sit with you." He got in my lap and I smiled and took a big whiff of him.

He stunk because he hadn't bathed in two days.

If you skipped over that whole section, Welcome Back! It's good to have you. And NO the Garner-Afflecks still have not named their baby.

Wednesday, January 07, 2009

As I stated on my facebook page (and if you would hurry up and friend me, you would know this), the neighbor's getting a new roof is not good for my kids taking a nap.

I had intended to get the kids' portraits done this week but:
A) Cason was involved in a brawl at school and came out of it with some big scratches on his face. His response was, "Yeah, well, you should see the other kid." I think there is a possibility that we have a future WWE wrestler on our hands.
and
B) Kendall fought the wall and the wall won. She has the goose egg to prove it. Again, I think there is a possibility we have a future WWE wrestler on our hands.
So portraits will have to wait until the faces clear up. You know, when they're, like, 24 and 25.

My kids have discovered Ritz Bits cheese crackers (thanks to their aunt). They both now have a new reason for living. Cason asked to eat them for breakfast this morning.

The dress and shoes that I want for Kendall's Easter outfit are on sale at baby gap. I think we all know where this is headed.....

Sunday, January 04, 2009

And we only had to drive through three grass fires to get here. Gotta love Oklahoma! And "global warming"! I did refrain from belting out a Rodgers and Hammerstein-esque ode to the state. Ok, ok, I did NOT refrain.

Actually things went much better than expected. See, when you set the bar incredibly low and have minimal expectations of how things will go, it can only go up from there! So let's lift our glasses and toast to low expectations in 2009!

Thursday, January 01, 2009

What?  


Is that not what the movie is called?  

Because it should be.  Either that or "Halfway Through the Movie it Becomes a Montage of how Hawt Brad Pitt is."  But I guess that's not as catchy.  

On another note, I was in bed by 10 pm last night.  And I'm not the least bit embarrassed by that.  

So there Dick Clark.