Monday, December 29, 2008

Guess what?

Someone near Colin's grandma has wireless internet and it's not password protected. Haha, Suckas.

The ride up here went much better than expected. It helps to have an aunt in the back seat who keeps the snacks, juice and movies flowing. So we didn't regret our decision to have children too many times.

The decision to get married is a different story. Our trip started out less than perfect. 20 minutes into it, Colin asked if I closed the garage door. I thought he closed it. So we had to turn around to see if the garage door was closed. I was dying laughing because, well how funny is that? It's like something in the movies. But it's real. Of course it the door wasn't closed so it's a good thing we did turn around and lose 40 minutes of the trip. There is still a great debate as to whose fault it was that the garage was left open. I maintain it was Colin's fault because, well, I won't bore you with details but let's just say I have little doubt in my mind.

But my preacher says blogging isn't a good way to deal with your anger so I'll stop there.

Sunday, December 28, 2008

We're leaving tomorrow to go see Colin's grandma in Saint Louis for a few days. We'll also be heading even further north for a day or so to see other relatives.

For those counting (and those not) that's a total of 20 hours in the car. With Kendall the Psycho Car Rider (sing it to the tune of "puff the magic dragon"). My sister in law is coming too so between her and the kids, I anticipate multiple temper tantrums. Just kiddin! Love ya, Laini! I have to be nice to her so she'll entertain my kids.

Over/Unders available to wage upon:
-number of times we watch Toy Story
-number of times we have to pull over so I can pee
-number of Cokes Colin drinks on the way there
-number of Goldfish the children will eat
-number of times we will regret our decision to have children
-number of times we will regret our decision to get married

And that's just the trip up there.

We will almost be totally off the grid when were there. No internet access. Cell phone reception is spotty at best.

One more over/under:
-how long it takes me to lose the very small strand of sanity I have left

Saturday, December 27, 2008


..from the past week that has included a birthday party, a trip to Tulsa, Granny Beth, Santa Claus, pre-Christmas shopping, post -Christmas shopping, 427 new outfits, a Thomas the Train set, two riding toys, a Bitty Baby, a fire truck bigger than Cason, a Mac Truck, 65 toy cars, 87 new books, 21 new DVDs, a 50 inch plasma TV, two trips to the doctor, two trips to Chick-fil-a, 56 trips to the grocery store, a new DVD player, a new basketball goal, a tee ball set, 956 fights about whose toys are whose, spending giftcard money on things to organize new toys, 6 fights about the new tv, 114 temper tantrums and a partridge in a pear tree.

See? I really haven't had that much to blog about.

Monday, December 22, 2008


What? Like you're surprised?

Saturday, December 20, 2008



I must say, I can relate a little to Yvonne Kriddle. I went to Wal-Mart today and I had circle like 82 times for a parking spot.

Tuesday, December 16, 2008

Once, before Colin and I had kids, and really before any of our friends had kids, we went to hang out with some people who had just had a baby. While we were there, we engaged in such activities as watching the baby watch the ceiling fan. Wonderful fun if it's your child. Not so much if it isn't. Then they told us they had video of the baby watching the ceiling fan. So we proceeded to watch video of the baby watching the ceiling fan. When we left that night, I swore I would never make people watch video of my baby.

Hey look! A video of my baby! It's in celebration of Kendall's one year milestone. And I made the video myself. You may be amazed at me. I call it, "A Year in Hair Bows" or "A Journey Through Kendall's Hair Styles" If you've never heard the song in the video, get a tissue. It makes me cry all the time.

video

Monday, December 15, 2008

Two sleeping kids, a plateful of Godiva brownie bites, a glass of milk and a DVR.

Now if only my laundry were done.

And no, I didn't eat this whole plate.

That you know of.

Friday, December 12, 2008

There's something you should know about me.

I make a conscious effort to hate everything that the masses seem to love. Cases in point: Harry Potter; The Twilight series; Beyonce; Robert Pattinson.

So my resistance to join facebook and myspace has been honest, but proved futile in the end. After being called out here, I joined facebook today. Be my friend! Please! I need validation! Because even though I hate things that you may love, I need you to love me.

So send me a friend request asap.

And now I'm going to call someone out: Stacy Bowen, you must join facebook. It would not be right if I was in it and you weren't since everything else I did in high school was with you.

The end.

Wednesday, December 10, 2008

I do love that movie. I haven't seen it yet this year. Some people haven't seen at all, I'm told. Which I find difficult to believe seeing as how it's played non-stop this time of year.

I'm totally looking at you, Liz.

But internet, I have a confession to make.

I am totally not feeling the holiday season this year.

Every time I hear Andy Williams singing Christmas music I want to tell him to shut it. I have to much to do to spend my time listening to Andy tell me it's the most eonderful time of the year. All my decorations are pretty much done. I've been to two Christmas parties (because I'm that popular). But if Christmas were a best selling book being made into a movie, I would say, "Christmas, I'm just not that into you."

Maybe it's because last year, the Christmas season was such a disaster (I mean aside from the magical birth of my daughter and blah, blah). I let the one year anniversary of the worst 11 days of my life go by unmentioned on my blog (except for now of course). If you haven't heard about it, I'm not going to link for fear of a rebellion from my long time readers who are sick of hearing by now. I do want to say this: My hatred of that eleven days is not because we were living with my in laws. Quite the opposite. I would not have been able to get through that time if not for them. It has more to do with the fact that I was 114 weeks pregnant! Not living in my own house! Everyone had power before us! The other night we were watching the weather we noticed it is supposed to be in the 60's. Colin was all, "I want to be cold this time of year." And I said, "Would you rather be going through what we were going through this time last year?" AND HE SAID YES! I told him to shut his gob and not speak to me for the rest of the night.

Ok, enough about that. You can quit rolling your eyes at me. I know you are.

Back to me being all -meh- about the holidays. I'm just kind of over all of it. Plus, I have a birthday to plan. When I get stressed about birthday, I get stressed about Christmas. When I get stressed about Christmas, I get stressed about birthday. So far all we've got Kendall is a bunch of clothes and bows. So I guess that sounds good.

I'm just all Ebeneezer-y. So shut it Andy Williams.

Fa-ra-ra-ra-ra-ra-ra-ra-ra*

*Liz, you will not get that.

Tuesday, December 09, 2008

Pay attention, young children.

Cason has eczema on his legs so we've been putting medicine on it when he gets out of the bath. IT DOESN'T HURT HIM AT ALL. But for some reason, he got it in his little red head that he will melt into a pile of mush if even one drop of it touches his poor little red, dry, patchy body. He has come up with an arsenal of weapons to try and avoid it:

1. The Hide and Go Seek - He has that psychic ability to know when the medicine is coming so he hides. We seek. And seek. And seek.

And seek.

2. Avoidance - He tries to come up with a million things to do before the medicine goes on ( I need a drink! Read me a book! Let's watch Wall-e first! I wanna go to the zoo!).

3. The "Pretend to be nice" - I say, "Ok, sit down so we can put on your medicine." He says, "No thanks, Mama."

4. Outright lying - "My legs are so pretty today."

5. Projection - "Kendall needs medicine too."

And of course, when all else fails....

6. The "Knock Down Drag Out Fit" - No description needed.

Monday, December 08, 2008

Scene: I'm changing Kendall's incredibly stinky, nasty diaper; thinking to myself about what lucky man will get to marry her someday.

Cason: Good gosh Kendall! You stink!

Me: "..." (I'm speechless. Where could have heard that!?)

End Scene

Clap-Clap. Thank you very much. Encore. More clapping. I accept flowers and wave. Blow kisses. Thank you folks. We'll be here for 18 years.

Thursday, December 04, 2008

People can say what they will about you ( and trust me, I've said it) but you still look hawt on the cover of Details.

Let's get Suri and Cason together for a play date soon!

Love ya~
Ems



Tuesday, December 02, 2008

Try to keep up. There may be a quiz at the end.

Our Thanksgiving in a nutshell:

Tuesday:
Left for the first half of a 8 hour trip.
Kendall was asleep. Yay.
We watch Wall-e the entire time.
When we arrived in the thriving metropolis of Ennis, Texas, Kendall woke up coughing so hard she couldn't breathe.
Called the pediatrician. No answer.
Called the insurance company on call doctor. She says she needs to go see a doctor or go to the ER.
No.
Ask about out of area care...the lady proceeds to read me my plan. Uh, Thanks.
Call the pediatrician again. They answer she does NOT need to see a dr. I knew it.
Cason goes crazy jumping on the hotel bed.
Brooke Burke wins DWTS.
I say a prayer that they replace Samantha Harris with Brooke Burke.

Wednesday :
Kendall is fine.
Leave for the second half of our trip.
Kendall screams for most of it.
We watch Wall-e the entire time.
Emily is singing "Put on your Sunday Clothes, there's a great big world out there!" If you have not seen Wall-e this will make no sense to you.
See a giant moose head on a trailer.
See a giant freezer on the same trailer.
Assume that is where the rest of the moose it.
Arrive in Houston.
Cason shows off for all relatives.
Cason vomits all over Colin.
Cason feels better and continues to show off.

Thursday:
Food.

Friday:
Shopping.
Emily plans to sue her favorite clothing store for having a retarded coupon policy.
No DVD's left in the entire store of Target.
We got ten pieces of clothing at the Carter's outlet for $65.00
Friends came over for a game night and more food.
Girls won at Outburst.
Emily doesn't get to say goodbye because she is trying to figure out if Goodwill takes donations of children.

Saturday:
Try to distract Cason while we buy his Christmas gifts at the Disney store (You're welcome Walt Disney).
Eat Real Mexican food.
Emily spills iced tea all over her and her grandmother's purses. That are open.
Do Laundry.

Sunday:
Make the trip home.
Watch Kung Fu Panda the entire time.
Emily and Jessica text 24 times.
Emily tells Colin to mind his own business when he asks why she doesn't just call Jessica.
Kendall only screamed for 6.5 hours of the trip.
My daughter? She's making progress.