Thursday, July 31, 2008



Kendall is crawling around in only a diaper, with no bow on, bangs in her eyes. There is a laundry basket in the background that has toys in it. There are toy cars all over the ground. The pillows are scattered and Cason is wearing underwear. And he's not potty trained.

Dear Lord,
Give me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, courage to change the things I can and the wisdom to know the difference.

Tuesday, July 29, 2008

Do you know anything about dairy allergies? Please send help now.

Thanks!
Emily

Sunday, July 27, 2008

Potty training.

Take a breath.

Is it time?

I don't know what the heck I'm doing over here. Seriously. We haven't even begun to potty train yet. Cason, that is. Colin and I have been potty trained for quite some time now. I got a DVD that has potty training info for parents and fun songs about the toilet (dumb, yes?) for the kids. In the information for parents it said, "Most children will show signs of readiness between the ages of 18 and 24 months." Uh, Que? Cason is WELL past that and I don't feel like he's showing ANY signs (that is possibly a lie..he is showing a FEW signs, but none of the really important ones). My mom was asking him if one day he would like to use the potty and wear underwear like big people do. His response was quite eloquent: "Ummmm...no."

We got him a potty today. He was actually pretty excited about it. He was telling everyone in Target, "My potty!" Which is better than the time we ran into two of Colin's (male) students at at Target and Cason showed them my box of Kotex. But we also got him a Lighting McQueen lunchbox (you're welcome, Disney) and I'm pretty sure he likes that more.

I've been reading up on the subject of potty training. One thing I read today made me laugh out loud: "Tell your toddler,'When you're ready, you can use the potty instead of a diaper to urinate and make BMs in.'" Um, yeah. We won't be saying 'urinate' and BM in this house. For one, I couldn't say it without laughing. For two, I wouldn't get to use two of my favorite words: pee and poop. And what kid says "urinate" anyway? Seriously. I mean, I'm all for using the correct words of things but come on. Plus, Cason already says poop. He lets us know what the dog is doing outside ("Dog's goin poop!"). Maybe I'll let the dog potty train him.

He starts day school in two weeks so we won't do anything drastic before then. Plus, we just bought a box diapers for him and you know I ain't lettin those suckas go to waste. And then, I think about a new ball season getting ready to begin. We'll be wrapped up in going to games. And then in October, we'll be traveling as we will be in November and December. Which puts us into January if I wait. What the heck? Am I supposed to wait that long?

So, suggestions? Wait? Go for it? Let the dog do it? I'm torn between my complete desire to stop changing diapers and my utter laziness about the whole situation. We all know how I just hate to put forth effort on anything.

Friday, July 25, 2008

In about two weeks, Cason starts pre-school, one day a week. I'm not sure who will be crying more the first day, him or me. But any crying I do will be over quickly once I realize how great it will be to only have ONE KID for the day. So I've begun compiling a list of everything I will be doing on Tuesdays between the hours of 9:15 and 2:30:

1. Have lunch with friends.
2. Bake fresh bread, wash my windows and mop all the floors. What?
3. Work out (This is probably a lie).
4. Not watching Dragon Tales.
5. Take Kendall to the doctor for a nine month check up in September without having someone haning all over me saying, "I wanna eat","I wanna watch ChooChoo movie","Outside, outside" and the like.
6. Come up with most excellent blog posts that will blow all of your minds. Oh it will happen.
7. Drop Kendall off at at her dad's place of employment during his off hour and go to Panera and get a Big Tea and a brownie and just enjoy the sugar rush. Ok, that may actually not happen but a girl can dream, right?

Thursday, July 24, 2008

I love Ulta. I do. Today, I got a coupon for $3.50 off a $10.00 purchase. At the bottom it says:

Excludes salon services, fragrances, hair care brands, cosmetics including Bare Essentuals, Smashbox, and skincare.

Ummm.....So what else is there?

In completely unrelated news, Kendall thought it would be fun to scream for two (TWO) solid hours before falling asleep and then proceed to wake up five times during the night. And she was totally inconsolable every time she woke up. That is so not like her. She better be teething. But at any rate, I look like the tomato that has fallen out of the back of the produce truck and been run over twelve times. Fun stuff. Fun stuff.

Wednesday, July 23, 2008

Sorry, Jen. I had to post this.

The person known as the "pregnant man" tells People magazine, "I weigh two pounds less than I did when I got pregnant. And I don't have a single stretch mark!"

Dear Pregnant Guy:

Shut up. I hate you. Go away. If you want to get women on your side, this ain't it.

Thanks tons!
Emily

Monday, July 21, 2008

We are in the full fledged stage of the temper tantrums. You know, it's something that you see before you have kids, or when you have a sweet little innocent baby and you think, "MY CHILD will NEVER do that." Yeah, well, call me three years and let me know how that's goin for ya.

Cason throws at least one a day. The lay-on-the-ground-kicking-screaming-flailing-clothes-ripping-high pitched-weeping-wailing-gnashing of teeth kind. Fun times to be had by all. I KNOW it's a development thing. I KNOW that he has no coping skills yet and that I, as his parent, need to help him with that. I KNOW all of these things, but it's still embarrassing.

So, to help all of me deal, I've used the "Seven Stages of Grief" and applied them:

1. Shock, Disbelief: "Ok, this cannot be happening again. I just recovered from the last fit. I just got him happy again!"

2. Denial: "I'm going to ignore it and it will go away. I can't hear you. I can't hear you! I CAN'T HEAR YOU! LALALALALALALALALALA"

3. Bargaining: "If you'll stop acting like a maniac for ten seconds I'll give you a cookie. No? Want to play with your toy truck? No? A box of raisins? Ow! Stop throwing your toy truck at me!"

4. Guilt: "It's because of me, isn't it? I'm seriously the worst parent of all time. I can't meet all of your needs so you feel the need to behave this way."

5. Anger: "Ok, I've had it with you! Seriously shut up. And stop throwing your toy truck at me!"

6. Depression: "Great, now we're both crying."

7. Acceptance and Hope: "Ok, you know what? I'm so over this. You can't cry forever so shoot me an email when you're done. In the meantime, I'll be eating a pan of brownies outside."

Sound familiar? If not, don't worry. It will.

Thursday, July 17, 2008

I just wanted to let you know that you can now access this site at :
www.theheartoflifeinok.com

You can still access it through the old address, but if all two of you that have me linked want to change it, you can. Or you can change it in your Google Reader. Because, well, here's the thing, when you go from this:

To this:





it's just easier. I've been dealing with frustrations with the mac laptop (Little Steve) and Blogger for awhile but we still had PC to blog on. So when we got rid of PC and got Big Steve, it was either quit blogging or change to this. I know what you're all thinking, "WHAT?! Emily quitting blogging? But how will I EVER survive?" So that's what me and my webmaster (aka Colin) decided. And who knows, now that I'm in this exciting new format, I may change things up a lot. I may do something freaky. I may even go to THREE COLUMNS! That's right. Hold on to your panties folks. You never can tell what crazy things might be happening.

And here is one other thing...if you feel like you just need more of me (admit it, you do) you can email me at: emily@theheartoflifeinok.com

A big thank you to my husband for helping me. Because lawsie, I don't know nothin bout makin no web page, Miss Scarlett.

Wednesday, July 16, 2008

Scene:  Vacation Bible School at our church...there is a play going on about Daniel in the lion's den.  Cason is sitting in my lap, not really paying attention.


Me:  Look!  Don't you want to watch Daniel?
Cason:  (dead serious) No, I wanna watch Cars.  

I blame it on his dad.  I don't know why.  I just do.  

Tuesday, July 15, 2008

When the only pants you have clean are white capris but the only clean underwear you have is black.

Sunday, July 13, 2008

Scene: Cason and me reading a child's story bible with Lift-the flap thingys. We are reading the story of Baby Jesus. I know. Seriously give me the Mom of the Year Award THIS MINUTE.

Me: (pointing to the cartoon picture of Baby Jesus) Cason, look do you know who that is?
Cason: Oh yeah! Wall-e!

Now maybe a good time to point out that while Steve Jobs was a Pixar founder, he is not in fact our Savior.

Friday, July 11, 2008

CNN Posted this story about teenage pregnancy rates increasing for the first time since 1991.

Gee, I wonder why.

disclaimer: I had a long conversation with a friend today about my feelings on this subject. I'm not going to go all into it because I don't feel like it. I don't blame JLS solely for the rise in teen pregnancy, nor do I think she doesn't love her child. But that's not really the issue is it? What are your thoughts?

Wednesday, July 09, 2008

What was I going to say?

Oh yeah. Car seats. Can't live with em...get a ticket if you don't use em. I'm kidding. I'm all for safety and whatnot.

So before I launch into the story, there are two pieces of background information you should know:

1. When I flew to Houston, two lovely people who we will call K & L graciously lent us car seats they had for their as yet unborn daughter (due in a few weeks mind you) so that we would not have to lug OUR car seats on the plane. Then Colin was going drive down so we'd have the kids' regular car seats to take them home in.

2. Colin didn't drive our car. He took his parents Tahoe...a little more room for the 8 hour drive.

Can you tell where this is going?

The day Colin left for Texas, I got a phone call. He had been on the road for a little over two hours. The car seats were still in OKC. Neat.

-BREAK-

Dear K & L,
Thank you so much for loaning us your car seats. Question: How serious are you about having a car seat for your baby? We are sure you will make wonderful parents. The type of parents who make lists before they leave on a trip so that nothing is left behind...at least nothing as important as, oh I don't know, A DANG CAR SEAT.

Love ya!
E

-Back to the story-

So, we can take the car seats back with us and ship them back. Expensive. OR Colin can turn around and go get them. Expensive and time consuming. OR we can go buy some. Expensive but at least we'd have an extra which we are always wishing we had.

We looked on Craig's List but found nothing of satisfaction. There were things like: Car seat with only 15 cigarrette burns! A must see for 30 bucks! And you should see the looks you get when you go into a Babies R Us and ask for the cheapest car seats available on the market. And we totally didn't even consider (read: thought about for 15 minutes or so) just letting them run free in the Tahoe on the way home.

And I said that I was going to put this in my aresenal for the next time I do something stupid so I have something to throw in Colin's face. Then I got a lecture from my dad about not keeping score or some honkey like that (what does the man know? he's only been married 30 years.).

But I don't keep score. If I did I would tell you that last night, the first night we were on our newly cleaned carpet (which ain't cheap honey), Colin spilled a glass of chocolate milk all over it. Which reminds of when we had our carpet cleaned two years ago and the first night we were on it, Colin spilled a coke all over. But I won't say that because love keeps no account of wrongs.

Shut up. Heaven knows I'm a hot mess but if Colin wants to blog about it, I'm sure the domain name thestupidthingsemilydoes.blogspot.com is open. So there.

Update: My loving spouse just pointed out a spelling error in my last entry. He also added, "Aren't you a teacher?" To which I said,"YOU FORGOT OUR CARSEATS!" That pretty much ended the conversation.

Tuesday, July 08, 2008

I missed you all like a child misses their blanket (thank you Fergie).

I had every intention of blogging during my little trip, but to no avail. I was too busy doing....stuff.

Oh so much to tell you.

Like:
Both the kids did great on the plane. Thanks for asking.

Colin forgot to bring the kids' car seats when he came to pick us up. THAT warrants an entire post. Look for that tomorrow.

There is a strip club in Dallas called The Spearmint Rhino and for some reason that has been making me laugh ever since I saw it at noon today. I asked Colin if I was missing some double entandre (see, me can yoose big werds) and he said no. So now I've been thinking over other names for strip clubs that pair a scent and a zoo animal. Here are my faves: The Vanilla Elephant; The Hazelnut Giraffe; The Peppermint Hippo; The Cinnamon Zebra. Thoughts?

Cason had his first complete multi-houred meltdown that involved thrashing, screaming, hitting, kicking and general anarchy. What up with that?

We took Cason to see his first movie, Wall-E. He's been asking to see it since the preview for it on Ratatouille. Thanks Walt (that's Disney...he and I are on a first name basis seeing as how I will be sending his decendants to college on all we the Disney Crap we by these days)! I LOVE it how you guys put a preview on the dvd so I can be asked every day for SIX months too see Wall-E. How did he like it? He liked it so much he fell asleep after 20 minutes. Good thing we paid for him to take a six dollar nap. That's right I said six dollars.

Cason has taken to calling my mom and grandma by their first names, Beth and Pat. They think it's hilarious. It's really amazing what grandkids can get away with.

There was a dead mouse in our kitchen when we got home. So not cool.