Monday, March 31, 2008

If you are grocery shopping and you think to yourself, "Hmmmm...my two year old is being really good and quiet up there in the front part of the cart," you should definitely look and see what he or she is doing. Because he may be eating a pop tart. A pop tart you haven't bought. A pop tart out of the box that you didn't even put in the cart. Guess we're buying them now.

And sorry about the messing up about my last post. I'm sure all two of my faithful readers we're confused about the last paragraph. I was on our mac and it was confused. Surely it couldn't have been me messing up!

Saturday, March 29, 2008

Hey, you know that scene in Dumb and Dumber...hold on...you mean you HAVEN'T seen that movie 1200 times? Oh, whatever. You lie. You know you have. Shut up. Anyway, you know that scene where Lloyd makes "The Most Annoying Sound in the World"? That is now Cason's favorite noise. He makes it whenever he doesn't get his way. And you know what? It usually works. Because OH MY GOSH STOP IT NOW. I mean how can you say no to this? Here's a recap:



And look, my kids do kind of look alike!



Thursday, March 27, 2008

Scene: An aisle in the baby section; An older couple is picking out some bibs for a baby gift

Husband: Why are you looking at the yellow bibs? It's for a girl.

Wife: Yellow is neutral. You know, it's bisexual.


I laughed out loud. I couldn't help it.

Wednesday, March 26, 2008

Have you heard that song (a term I use loosely here) "Low" by Flo Rida (pronounced Flow - Ride - Uh, not Florida)? It's about a girl dancing in a club and one of the lines is about how she is wearing "Baggy sweatpants, and the Reeboks with the straps." I'm quite removed from the club scene, but is baggy sweatpants now appropriate clubbing wear? Hmmm...maybe I'm not as removed as I thought.

Monday, March 24, 2008

Ok, brace yourself. I'm about to tell you two things that may completely rock your world, as you know it, to the ground.
1. We watch A LOT of sports at our house.
2. I'm extremely competitive (as anyone who has ever played a rousing game of Friends Baby Trivia at a baby shower with me can tell you).

This year, for the first time, I did my own March Madness bracket. I grew up in a household where brackets were filled out with enthusiasm and Colin has always done one. The system I had going where only Colin did one worked out great because then I could be proud of him when he did well, but more importantly, I could laugh at him when he was wrong.

Now I'm conflicted. I watched with horror the other night as Duke almost got beat and then watched them get beat the next time. Normally, I would be cheering for the other team...rooting for the underdog. But as I watched Belmont come within inches of winning, I found myself confused. If Duke didn't win, my whole bracket would be messed up! So there I was, rooting for Duke...but mostly for selfish reasons. The stress of March Madness is killing me. Especially when I can't remember which team I picked in a certain game. I said I don't care if I win, as long as I beat Colin.

I dropped Cason's baby clothes off at Just Between Friends today and it made me really sad.

The End.

Sunday, March 23, 2008

If you give my oldest child sugar, in any form (whether it be candy, cookies, sugary drinks, ice cream, leftover easter desserts) I will kill you.  And I don't mean like, "Haha, I'm gonna kill you!" I mean I will stop your heart.  Or I will force you to take him for the following 24 hours, which would be worse than murder.  And that includes you, family members.


I'm not one of those parents that is all anal about what my kid eats, I'm really not.  But after the onslaught of Easter candy and the ensuing twelve hour temper tantrum, I'm seriously considering going all Jessica Seinfeld on y'all.  

I should have known what the day would be like when C had a cadbury egg for breakfast.  By the time he gets back to normal, it'll be Halloween.  

Thursday, March 20, 2008

I was just watching "Baby Story" (which, I hate that show, by the way, but I can't quit watching it 8 times a day).  The baby that was born weighed 11 pounds, 3 ounces.  To put that in perspective, that is more than Kendall weighs NOW at three months.  Good news for the mom...she had a c-section.  

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Kendall Avery is three months old today.  We're off to take the kid's portraits in a little while, for Kendall's three month pictures and Cason's two year, since he'll be two in a couple of weeks (When he did get to be two?  No one asked me about that!).  We're doing some outdoor photography and it will be a miracle if we get through it alive and without giving away one of our children.  

"Lady, could you please do something with my hair?  I would appreciate it."  

For some of you this is the first time you've seen her without a bow the size of a puppy on her head.  

Tuesday, March 18, 2008

On my stat counter account, I saw that someone searched for "chocolate in oklahoma" and my blog came up. Ha. Maybe I shouldn't talk about chocolate so much. Although this did leave me wondering if there was magical chocolate in Oklahoma I don't know about.

And to the person in Muskogee who searched "how old does a child have to be to stay at home alone in Oklahoma" I have the answer: as soon as you bring them home from the hospital. I mean, don't quote me on that or anything. Of course, if you don't want your house to burn down, I suggest waiting until age 25. Unless they're boys, in which case I would avoid leaving them at home by them self until closer to age 40.

Monday, March 17, 2008

I know this blog is usually full of wisecracks about poop, temper tantrums, and all things gassy but today I need to take a break from that. I need to take a break to tell you about something really, really, important. I need you to pray. A girl (or is it lady... when does one go from girl to lady?) that I grew up with needs our prayers. Her name is Andrea Martin. She is fighting leukemia. This is not the first time that she has fought this terrible disease. She is only in her mid twenties and already having to fight this battle.
First, I need you to pray for Andrea's spirit. Pray that she does not lose her resolve to win this fight. Pray that God gives her the stamina to make it through her days of chemo and her second bone marrow transplant, taking place today.
Second, pray for the doctors. Tell God to guide them in the way that can provide a cure for Andrea. Pray that the doctors do everything in their power to heal her. Pray for the surgeons who will be performing her bone marrow transplant. Pray for all the medical professionals that God may work through them.
Third, pray for Andrea's health. I know it seems obvious, but pray that her body can overcome this....for good. Pray for a healing for her body...a healing only God can provide.
Lastly, I'd like you to say a prayer for her parents, Bob and Kathy. I look at my babies and can't even begin to imagine what it must be like to watch their daughter go through that much pain. Please pray that they can remain strong for Andrea and be an encouragement to her.
I believe in prayer and what it can do...and I know you do too.  You can read more about Andrea's fight against this disease here....and if you feel comfortable, you can tell her that you are praying for her, or you can just let me know. This is in no way an eloquent or moving tribute. Just one person to another asking for your time, asking all of you to lift up Andrea's name to our God. Let's see what He can do.

Friday, March 14, 2008

I've seen this a few places and thought it was hilarious. Plus, Jess said it's good to do lists on your blog.

1. YOUR ROCK STAR NAME (first pet/current car): Coco Escape

2.YOUR GANGSTA NAME (fave ice cream flavor/ favorite type of shoe): Chocolate Sandal...mmmm do you think someone makes a chocolate sandal?

3. YOUR NATIVE AMERICAN NAME (favorite color/favorite animal): Red Dog

4. YOUR SOAP OPERA NAME (middle name/city where you were born): Rae Tulsa

5. YOUR STAR WARS NAME (the first 3 letters of your last name/ first 2 of your first name): Whiem

6. SUPERHERO NAME (2nd favorite color/ favorite drink): Black Sonic Dr. Pepper ( I think I should drop the 'dr. pepper' and just go with Black Sonic...thoughts?)

7. NASCAR NAME (the first names of your grandfathers): Billy James...ok THAT is funny...I kind of like it

8. STRIPPER NAME ( the name of your favorite perfume,cologne or scent/favorite candy): Coconut Chocolate....mmmmm.....

9. TV WEATHER ANCHOR NAME (your 5th grade teacher’s last name/ a major city that starts with the same letter): Queen Quebec ( I realize that Quebec is a province, not a city smarty pants but I couldn't come up with another Q and I like Queen Quebec)

10. SPY NAME: (your favorite season/favorite holiday): Summer Christmas

11. CARTOON NAME: (favorite fruit/ article of clothing you’re wearing right now):
Cantaloupe Socks

12. HIPPIE NAME: (What you ate for breakfast/your favorite tree): Wheaties Live Oak

Isn't that funny? Now I want all of you to do it...and I'll be checking. This is Billy James signing off....

Thursday, March 13, 2008

You know what my dream job is? Wait...you thought I already had my dream job?

No, my dream job is to find cool music to be on Grey's Anatomy. THAT is my dream job.

Well, that and being the official taster for Godiva Chocolate. But you know, I'd be happy with whichever I can make happen first.

Or maybe I want Kristin's job. I mean, she watches TV for a living, people. FOR A LIVING!

In other news, Kendall slept all night in her crib last night. We've been trying to wean her off her bouncy seat. She is still supposed to be sleeping in it because of severe reflux but I thought she needed to be sleeping in her crib at this point. And when I say,"slept all night" I really mean she slept all night. But before you a) congratulate me or b) hate me, please know that my son slept for a whole 30 minutes in his own bed before getting in ours, where he proceeded to sing church songs and and beg for a snack well into the night. Also, spare me the lectures on how to get a child to sleep all night because I've read literally every book on it. I mean that. Every. Book. So I don't want to hear about Dr. Ferber, co-sleeping, scheduling, comfort objects, wait time, dream feeds, and the like (see...told you...every book). I've resigned myself to the fact that Cason is just different about his sleep. Different in that he doesn't need a lot of it. Or maybe he does and I'm depriving him of it. Just don't call DHS on me. I don't want them coming over...my house isn't clean.

Monday, March 10, 2008

Our church is having it's annual Easter Egg hunt so I bought a bag of candy to donate.

Today was the first day of baseball season that Colin was gone from before the kids woke up until after they went to bed.

The candy didn't make it through the day.

I'm not sure when I lost the will power. I suppose somewhere between the fire trucks and the dog dragging the bottom shelf of the dishwasher across the floor.

It's a long story.

Friday, March 07, 2008

Ok, to all my Lost-ees out there, I just want to go on record as saying that I think that Ben's spy on the boat is Michael, and I said that from the beginning...when we first found out he had a spy on the boat. I did. I really did. Ask Colin. So next week, when we find that to be true, remember you heard it here first. Colin said he thought is was Ana Lucia but I said I would find that hard to believe since she has a bullet in her stomach and Michelle Rodriguez is in jail for a DUI. Idiot. Michelle Rodriguez, not Colin. Anyway, it will give me great pleasure when my prediction turns out to be correct since usually Colin calls everything on that stupid show.

In regards to my last post, you may have convinced me to try baby leg warmers, internet people. I said MAY. And I would still not put them on a boy. Brooke, if I put the measuring cup in the sink, I would then wash it. But usually, if I measure out half a cup of water, I put the measuring cup back when I'm done. Liz, is that gross? And I'm mad at y'all internet.....no one told me things THEY don't get...only why I should get the things I don't. I can't be the only one with neuroses out there.

Thursday, March 06, 2008

1. Leg Warmers - There are an abundance of baby leg warmers out there. I don't get it. I guess it keeps them warm. I guess it prevents their knees from getting rubbed while crawling. But I don't get it. Most of them are expensive and I just can't justify spending money on baby leg warmers. They even make them for boys. I can just see Colin's face had I put leg warmers on Cason. At Target, I saw adult leg warmers the other day. Those can't be coming back. My 1984 Exercise Barbie got rid of hers six years ago.

2. J.Lo's babies' names - Jess, I know I said I would let it go but, seriously, Max and Emme? For those of us waiting for what cool, avant garde, ethnic names they would choose, we were sorely disappointed. I thought maybe Antwon and Pilar. Possibly Marco and Lola (which incidentally would have made for an interesting swimming pool game). Even something like River and Cheyenne. Or she could have gone with designer names like Valentino and Fendi. But to choose the names of the two kids from that annoying PBS show Dragon Tales was too much.

3. People who wash out a measuring cup with soap and water that was only used to measure water.

4. Marie Osmond...Okay ALL Osmonds. But seriously, Marie, lay off the booze, would ya?

*My list of "Things I Don't Get" is in no way meant to offend those who do "get" these things. I am, in many ways, stupid. And maybe there is something I get that you don't.

So, what do you not get? Feel free to weigh in.

Monday, March 03, 2008

Hello, welcome to parenthood.  Our names are Cason and Kendall and we'll be your guides on this mother of a ride.

See, she is peaceful sometimes.

This is Cason and his Granny on Sunday morning.  Before he spilled chocolate milk all over himself.  

Holy hairbow Batman!