Tuesday, February 19, 2008

I've been thinking about something lately. And I'm going to tell you what it is and then you can think I'm horrible person and talk about me behind my back.

Do you ever wish someone would give birth to the world's worst, most difficult, screaming baby? Because I do.

There are generally two types of people I wish these babies upon.

The first is the obvious type - the people that have the easiest first child of all time. The child that slept through the night at two weeks, only ate every four hours, never cried, always smiled, was generally happy to do whatever, whenever, always followed the rules given, was a great toddler, never threw a temper tantrum and played quietly by him or herself. Don't tell me that kid doesn't exist because I know better. I really want those parents to be knocked out by some hellion. I just have to believe the universe works that way. It gives me hope. Now some parents have an easy kid and they know it. They even question whether or not to have more. Should they gamble it? It's not so much these people that should get a terrible baby, rather the ignorant parents that think all babies are like that.

The second type is slightly less obvious. They are the people that don't have kids yet and have had GREAT pregnancies ("I just love being pregnant. I'm not miserable at all!" gag me. ), the spouses are grossly in love with each other, the dad talks to the pregnant belly. You know the type. The nursery was finished in the 23rd week and the name was decided shortly after the couple became engaged four years ago. They've already baby proofed the house and put the car seat in the car. Both mom and dad journal about their hopes for the new baby. These are the ones I really hope get the baby from somewhere unspeakable, so that we can all laugh at them and how naive they were.

Is it obvious I was up almost every hour last night with at least one of my children?

Oh! Guess what I got today? Say hello to my little friend...and don't look at the nutritional information.

5 comments:

Jeny said...

You crack me up! Sorry to say, and well, to brag a little, we had the babies that you speak of, the good ones! Although, not really, they all have their hellish moments! You should read my last few posts! We have had some crazy nights too with all of our kiddos! Glad to have found your blog tonight! I will check back, since I rarely run into you at church, it is good to see how you are doing!

ChandraJoy said...

You are not the only one who feels that way. I find myslef wishing those kinds of children on peopel who do not have kids and try to give me parenting advice.

Dara said...

Emily,
I knew you at OC but I had no idea you were so hilarious. I stalked your blog through Aubrey's and I love it!! I also wish evil upon people who have 3 kids and yet their house is always perfect and women who are skinnier than before they had children.

Young Fam said...

Oh being pregnant isn't that bad...until you go a full 40 weeks and then look at having to be induced or having a c-section...I love reading your blog, it makes me look forward to everything I have to come.

The Powers Family said...

i dont know. our kids are pretty awesome in public but thats just because we beat them a lot at home. jk. seriously though. the other night we waited at teds for an hour and ten minutes to sit down and the kids never threw a fit. The anderson's were there too and avery just sat down with caryn and the kids while she read them all a book. Caryn just has a gift. I let them go crazy and glare back at the people that glare at me.