Friday, September 28, 2007





I mean, who doesn't need a pacifier and a lollipop to get a haircut...I think many a traumatic choppings in my past could have been avoided had I had these. Or a strong drink...whatev.

Well, we had a full day o' family fun White style (the last name, not the race of course). At approximately 9:02 am, I dropped Cason off at the high school with his dad so that he could enjoy homecoming festivities and so I could enjoy an hour and a half BY MYSELF (which I did, so there). I had intended to spend that time watching Grey's Anatomy (because I HAD to watch The Office last night) however, Target and Marshall's were calling my name...so we all know how that ended. Anyway, at 10:30, I rejoined my boys and we went and ate BBQ and I may or may not have consumed massive amounts of highly sweetened ice tea. Then we attended the annual homecoming parade where I witnessed the following things:
1. A large man getting into a fight with a police officer
2. A dog with body art
3. Four large teenagers on a very small tractor
4. A dress with the puffiest skirt I have ever seen in my life
And only one of those was in the parade...I'll let you guess which one.

After the parade, we did something I had been swearing off for quite sometime. We GOT CASON A HAIR CUT. I had been fighting it and fighting it and I made a deal with Colin that before his 18 month pics, we would do it. But I honestly thought I could get out of it. And then 2 people thought he was a girl today. I think they have the problem...I mean does he even look like a girl? I think not. Anyway, the guy that cut it did a great job. He put all of his curls in an envelope and gave him a certificate. I mean I guess Cason looks good. I think it's a sort of red head toddler version of Adolf Hitler myself. I took a ton of pictures but the camera cord is in Colin's truck so, I'll post them later.
Cason sucked on a lollipop while getting trimmed and by the end it was covered in hair. Yum.

Tuesday, September 25, 2007

Hey, Emily? What are you currently hating?
I'm so glad that you asked. I am currently hating on the Duggar family. I know, I know I've discussed it before. But my friend Jessica likes to get me going on that topic so she reminds me of how much I can't stand them quite frequently. And since I like to be one of those people that generally looks down on the Duggars, I thank her. Today she sent me a link to play a game to guess the kids' names and win tater tot casserole. Tater tot casserole...I'm sure it does wonders for the digestive system.
And along those lines, I also can't stand Jon and Kate + 8. I'm sorry, I just do not feel sorry for people that have twins and then go ahead and get implanted with 6 more. Talk bad about my behind my back now.....ok. Am I supposed to feel like less of a mom because I only have one kid to run after?
I'm also hating on Bill Maher. I've never liked the man (what? shocking I know). It has less to do with the fact that he is a liberal and more to do with I just think he's crass, unimaginative, uneducated, and overall a loser. But now, let's add ignorant to the list. He recently embarked on a diatribe about breastfeeding. I won't repeat it here because, like everything else he says, it's crass. But you can look it up on YouTube if you like. There are so many things that I want to say in response to it (like: Breastfeeding ... lazy? Can you hear the collective laughter from moms? also: Planning ahead with a baby? Again...collective laughter. ) but I will stick with this: Someone should tell that sexist, rude, uneducated, ignorant idiot that if he thinks that he can handle the planning, the cracked nipples, the middle of the night feedings, the 24/7 feedings, the engorgement, the boobs that weigh more than a tire, the weaning, the random "leakage" any better than any woman, he is more than welcome to come and breastfeed my next one. Or if that's not good enough, he can send me a check once a month to buy formula.

Friday, September 21, 2007

Dear Cason:
As you well know, we had your 18 month check up today. There is something that I, as your mother, would like to discuss with you and that is this "autonomy" issue. I know that you are experimenting with being your own person and all right now (which I think is really great and whatever) but it gets really, well annoying when you won't let me brush your teeth, scream "no" while I'm getting you out of the bath tub, decide that you WILL NOT be taking a nap, refuse to have your diaper changed and other such times.
Your pediatrician praised you today for demonstrating said "autonomy" and that's because she doesn't have to live with you. She only has to fight your new found independence while trying to look in your ears as you hit her and say,"STOP! (or TOP! as it usually sounds)" Which I must say is extremely rude.
I might have less of a problem with it if it extended to ALL areas of your life. However, you have decided not to be independent when I leave a room, or when you think you need to get in bed with me every morning.
So let's work on that, alright? Peace out.
Mom

PS: 75th percentile on height and 5th percentile in weight? Where did that DNA come from?

Tuesday, September 18, 2007

Ok, can we drop all the pretenses here for a moment? I mean, let's just be honest and say what we're all thinking: kids suck sometimes. And "suck" is not a word I use lightly. I reserve it for times when I really, really mean it.
What did I do this weekend? Did it involve my husband and me flying off to some exotic locale "just to get away?" Uh, no. Did I get my house really clean? Again, no. Colin and I spent the weekend cleaning vomit. Yum. How much vomit, you may ask. Enough to warrant two laundry cycles of towels. Because it was that kind of weekend.
Somehow, Colin and I managed to avoid The Stomach Virus Of Death. Colin, because he has the immune system of a horse (I don't know if horses actually have good immune systems, I'm just saying) and me because I'll just stomach anything these days.
Let me just say, Cason is one and a half and I have never had to call the after hours doctor for anything...until now. Because when your child takes a teaspoon of liquid and barfs up three cups worth (and has been doing so for TWELVE HOURS) something doesn't seem right about that. But it's all over now. You don't have to avoid us if you see us...and you will see us because we've been trapped in the house for three days. I mean, you may want to avoid us for other reasons, but not because of illness.

But enough about barf.........
My friend Jess had an interesting post about what's on her iPOD. I started thinking about mine and how I don't even like half of the 900 songs on there. What's that say about me?

Wednesday, September 12, 2007

Well, it's that time of year again! That's right folks, it's the National Day of Conception in Ulyanovsk, Russia. Time to celebrate! Take the day off work, get grandma to watch the kids (that you may or may not already have) and get crackin! Or, get married the weekend before for a chance to win a fridge. I know I would have married Colin A LOT sooner if there was a new fridge on the line.

Wait folks, there's more!

If you're baby is one of the ones born on June 12th (do the math...it's nine months from today) then you are in the running for .....(drum roll please)....a NEW CAR! Ok, this begs the question of induction or elective c-section. Are you disqualified? Does your body have to go into labor on it's own?

My favorite part is that Russia is giving people that have their second or third child a $10,000 check.
"Hello, President Bush? Yes, this is Emily. Vladimir Putin has an idea he's like to share with you."

Of course I say that but let's be honest...in America there are people I'd like to pay $10,000 NOT to have a second or third child.

Saturday, September 08, 2007

Those of you that know me very well know that I hate HATE Crest. The grocery store not the toothpaste. I have nothing against the toothpaste. Yet. Anyway, I will go out of my way not to shop at Crest. When Super Wal-Mart was built, I gave Crest the middle finger (not really) and said a big fat, "See Ya."

I today, for the first time I really understood where my hatred comes from.

We were out of milk. We were out of diapers (sounds like the beginning of a Charles Dickens novel, yes?). When you're out of milk and diapers I don't know where you go but I go to Target. So I made the trip to Target and when I saw the price of milk there ($4.50) I said, "uh, no." But I got diapers and left. The story is riveting so far, I know. Stay with me. There's a payoff coming. And where did I go to get milk? Against my better judgement I went to Crest. Cason and I picked up one gallon of milk ($3.49), paid and left. I was in the little front area where you get a cart and I had the milk in one hand and I leaned over to pick Cason up. He can't walk through parking lots by himself yet. Trust me we've tried. Three times. But that's for another post. Back to Crest. When I picked him up, I dropped the milk. Because apparently, that's what happens when you have one gallon of milk + one 17 month old + one pregnant stomach in the way. Milk went everywhere in about 1.4 seconds. I mean everywhere. Like out the sliding doors, under all the carts. Now what happened next was interesting. A nice man that worked there came immediately to clean it up. Another nice young man came and brought me another milk. For free. It was then that I came to this realization: I don't hate Crest, I hate the people that shop there! They were making all kinds of comments.
"Oooo...girl you trouble!"
"Did you tell someone you did that?"
"What the he77 happened here?"
You get the picture. I got in my car and cried the entire way home. I don't know if it was the hormones or what but when I got home Colin was here and it's hard to hide when I've been crying so after relaying the whole story to him, he was just glad we didn't have to pay for milk twice.
I was thinking about one time when I was like seven when we came home late one night and my mom dropped the milk we just bought in our kitchen and milk went everywhere. My dad was gone (of course, because bad things only happen when one parent is available...it's a law of nature or something). My mom had to clean it up (which I didn't have to do today) and I'm pretty sure that she didn't get another milk for free. But she also didn't have to listen to someone ask her who dropped the milk... You or your kid? So I don't know which is worse. But either way, never again will I utter a bad word about Crest. They took care of my mess and gave me a free milk. But I will bad mouth the people that shop there. The rude ones, the ones that hog the aisle, the ones that get in the express lane with 82 items. And I know those people are everywhere but I guess at Wal-Mart, it's bigger so the idiots aren't so crammed together.

Thursday, September 06, 2007


And that's what happens when you let a man named Steve Jobs tell you what you must have. Now our iPods are TOTALLY dorky and out of date (according to Colin). Apparently he was under the impression that after we got ours, technology would freeze in time so that we would always have the most up to date iPod. Are we going to get a new one? Not if I can help it. We already have two video iPods (or "old" ones as Colin calls them). Are we going to try to sell them on ebay? Colin says yes...but who wants to buy an iPod that says, "The White's iPod" on the back? And why is it there? Because someone was afraid I would lose it.

Saturday, September 01, 2007

We had an interesting experience at our house today. Cason went down for a nap and he woke up screaming about 30 minutes later. He was totally not consolable whatsoever. He was screaming, kicking and generally out of control. Nothing I did helped. I laid him on our bed and he rolled around and kicked and screamed some more. If I tried to pick him up, he kicked me and arched his back. If I put him down, he rolled around and was generally hysterical. About the time I started to think something was seriously wrong and I was going to have to take him to Urgent Care or the ER, I realized that he was pulling on his diaper. So I thought maybe he came down with some seriously rank diaper rash and I took off his diaper (not an easy feat when your kid is kicking and arching his back in the middle of the floor) and I saw the probable culprit. There was a massive burr (or sticker or goathead or whatever you call it in your part of country) in the middle of his diaper. I guess he got it outside. I took pictures so you all could see it too (because I'm that kind of mom).
Can you see it there?...trust me it's big. I can show if you want. I saved it (because again, I'm that kind of mom).

After he got a new diaper, he was like a new kid. He wanted to be held for awhile. But I guess if you've had a huge burr up your privates, you've earned the right to be held.
And hey, we know how to solve problems in this family: